Thursday, October 8, 2009

Wanted: Sexual Tyrannosaurs

What's this? They're casting a bunch of slack-jawed faggots in the new Predator movie? Via io9 and LG&M, I see that the likes of Adrien Brody and Topher Grace will be filling the boots of Bill Duke, Jesse The Body, Sonny Landham, and Arnie. Adrien Brody weighs about a buck-twenty, soaking wet. I could kick his ass, a Predator? Sheeeet....

If it bleeds, we can kill it....

I was excited by the back story for the new movie, where an all-star team of ultimate, bad-ass killers from Earth (Russian mafia hitman, Salvadoran Death Squader, neo-nazi prisoner, and Danny Trejo) are shanghaied and taken to the prehistoric jungle of the Predator home world, where they are to be hunted down in sort of a Pro-Bowl of killing. I like that they're taking Predator back to its roots, back to the jungle for some brutal tooth and nail, hunter/hunted type ish, but again...Adrien Brody? Those familiar with the Predator mythos, know that a Predator will only kill those capable of defending themselves, only those either armed to the teeth or who will put up enough of a fight to warrant the collection of their skull and spinal column. I'm not sure where the fun is in hunting down and killing some waifish hipster is...wait, scratch that, I see where the fun is, but I'm not sure a Predator would. As Robert Farley points out, the best part about the original Predator was that Apollo Creed was the bookish, nerd type in a group of manly men hewn from granite.


I want to have me some fun tonight, and I'm holding out hope for Long Tall Sally, but I think it may be best to just bleed this one...real quiet.

Update -- As I understand from what I've read, Topher Grace will be playing a quiet, unassuming serial killer-type, so that could work, but Adrien Brody as a Leader of men? If you're using the original Predator as our Bible, and really why wouldn't you, the correct question is not, "Can I imagine Adrien Brody going face to crab-face with a Predator?" but rather "Can I imagine him one day being a duly-elected and sworn-in Governor of a major American state?" Or President for that matter, because if we're being honest, if it wasn't for our stupid Constitution, Arnold would be our Leader...

Let's take a dip into the archives all the way back to February of this year, for a bit of Leader Classic, where in I examined the real and imagined political careers of Predators, porn-stars, and Val Kilmer, in the post "The Iceman Cometh."


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