The Leader TV Guide, Fall 2009

Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover...

After a long summer of re-runs and nothing entertaing to watch but old people demonstrate their senility at town hall meetings, finally the days have begun to shorten, a crisp chill is carried on the air and network and cable television again turns their glowing, all-seeing eye upon us, providing both meaning and brief, blessed distraction from reality with a crop of exciting new shows. Let's take a look!

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FratForward

In an epic new mystery, the entire human race simultaneously blacks out at the same moment and receives eerie and cryptic visions of lost time, disturbing behavior, and a shared global sense of deep, deep shame. The race is on to decode the meaning of this phenomenon and discover who or what is responsible for scrawling crudely drawn penises and swastikas on the faces of billions, and to get rid of these fucking headaches.

The Misremembered

In the United States as many as 40,000 people daily and routinely misinterpret or willfully ignore their own experiences and the actions and thoughts of other people. Now a team of experts in fields of forensic psychology, investigation, and Facebook dedicate their lives to helping others recall the names, faces, and actual intentions of that girl that might have been flirting with you at a friend's birthday, but really has a boyfriend or that co-worker whose bare-minimum level of courtesy and interest in your weekend maybe quite possibly could signal interest in a serious romantic relationship. Anywhere there is someone thinking of calling an ex or imagining and ignoring reality to make their life more palatable, the skilled and compassionate team of The Misremembered will be there to deliver closure, bitter, bitter closure.

PUMA Town

In this hilarious new situation comedy, a recently divorced Mom and Hillary Clinton supporter discovers the rules of the game have changed as she struggles to cope with single life living under the presidency of an inadequate black man. Orly Taitz guest stars.

American Meth Lab

From the basements, backwoods and rented trailers amidst the economic and cultural tundra of rural America comes a reality show from the producers of Deadliest Ghosts and Man vs. Wall, which takes a look at the competition and rivalry among the nation's best crank cooks and speed addicts. You can't script characters this colorful as these tight-knit clans wheel, deal and struggle to keep their family businesses afloat. It's real life danger, high stakes and big pay days as we watch the daily grind of procuring large quantities of cough syrup and industrial methane, preventing chemical explosions, inhaling deadly toxic fumes, and staving off the relentless assault of the shadow people and the bugs they implant under your skin.

MM: Merchant Marines

There are approximately 465 ships in the United States Merchant fleet, the civilian auxiliary to the Navy, each one staffed by the brave men and women of the Merchant Marines working everyday to protect and facilitate international commerce. The creators of NCIS and PTSD bring you the latest pulse-pounding vaguely crime-related drama, as the dedicated and sexy crew of the USS Edwin Meese uses the latest in GPS technology to track and transport cargo, avoid safety hazards, and measure water depth. MM: Merchant Marines is our first and last line of defense in the import and export process.

Community Wife

What happens when one woman leaves the big city behind and accidentally winds up married to every man in a small Alaskan village? Hijinks, polyamory, and extreme social/cultural deviation ensue as one-time career gal discovers she really can have it all as she juggles the egos, schedules, and bizarre sexual hang-ups of her thirty husbands, all while running her own outsider art gallery. They may not be perfect, but when you add them all up, you get one dream guy! Nobody said matriarchy would be easy!

The Specialist

Sonny never wanted to be the leading civilian consultant to the Chicago homicide division, all he wanted was a bowl of Easy-Mac and hot dogs, but his savant-like intuition, and unusual strength make him the perfect cop: a cop with Down's Syndrome. Sonny and his partner/handler/Mom are God's very special gift to law enforcement and very special nightmare to criminals. His eccentric and rock-star like behavior and unwitting flouting of authority make The Specialist a loose cannon and wild card in any investigation.

Modern Anarchy

The first TV show with no plot, no actors, no script, no reality, no producers, and really nothing other than a steady assault of discordant images and sounds that document the ongoing decay of every single institution that governs American life. Almost everything in this wacky, mixed-up modern world, is a living demonstration of the Second Law of Thermodynamics: the universal principle of increasing entropy or the simple fact that all systems are in a constant state of breaking down. Chaos rules the endless void of the universe and Thursday nights! Coming this fall.