Jon and Kate Plus Hate...As you might have heard, former Pennsylvania Senator, inadvertent slang-word, and noted expert on women, Rick Santorum had high praise for President Obama...well not him but the fact that unlike so many "others" he is actually married. According to Ricky:
Here we have a president of the United States who says that marriage is cool. You have respect for your wife, and you treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. And she is part of this team. And it’s not just part of professional team, but it’s also part of a personal, romantic team. I think that’s all great. So I think it’s important that he keeps having his date night. [...]Ricky, also offers Obama some constructive criticism on how to keep the embers burning hot:
I think he has to realize that flying to New York is…self-indulgent. Go down to the corner bar and have a drink, a shot and a beer. It does not matter where you go with your wife, is that it’s with your wife.
You see, Obama made the mistake of believing that you have to "treat" your teammate by taking her to an intimate dinner at a fancy, romantic restaurant and then to a Broadway show she wanted to see. What he doesn't realize is that once a female joins your team you don't need to spoil them with such "indulgent" things. She's your wife, as long as you take her out, so by definition she'll be satisfied with some Coors Light and SoCo at the nearest Friday's, anything more extravagant might remind her of life as a free agent, which could possibly lead to neglect of her duties to the team.
Good thing Your Dear Leader did some follow-up with Ricky and got him to share some tips for spicing up a marriage and adding new life to cold, dead eyes:
Listening: "People always neglect the small, obvious things in a relationship. Often we miss subtle hints our partner is trying to tell us. So set aside some time for your wife to listen to you. If you don't make time for her to listen to you, chances are she'll end up listening to a steady barrage of influences in our culture that are damaging to the team concept. As I wrote in my book, marriage is a castle that is under siege from our culture, 'The gates will not long hold. The fortress is but a few years away—at most!—of being laid to ruin, unless we, like the apparently doomed warriors at Helms Deep in the movie The Two Towers, make that last charge against the foe.' Like Lord Elron, I make that charge every week, by making sure that I set aside a few hours when I sit Karen down and read to her from my book 'It Takes a Family.'"
Atmosphere: "Creating a romantic vibe is very important and can be done easily and in almost every setting. Sometimes things can get pretty hectic for Karen taking care of the kids and the house, and at times I need to make her feel special. If you sense that your wife is feeling down try leaving a trail of rose pedals and scented candles that she can follow from the door to your house into the kitchen, where you'll be waiting for her to prepare dinner. It's little rewards like that, which break up the daily routine and make all the difference."
Role-Playing: "A lot of couples find that role-playing can add a new dimension to marriages that have begun to feel stale. Regrettably, our society has erected many unrealistic goals and expectations for women which have undermined the ancient and sacred institution of marriage. These erections have made women restless and unwilling to obey. You can remedy this by doing a little "role-playing." Just make a fun game for your wife: pretend that you're Time-Travelers visiting Colonial America, that way she'll find it easier to play the "role" of dutiful wife and mother, when un-poisoned by modernity. The fact is, that aside from the Constitution, "the laws in this country are built upon a certain worldview, and it is the Judeo-Christian worldview," and playing the Time-Travel game helps remind us of this fact, and also helps me play the "role" of husband and father in the face of a culture that sometimes makes us feel like being intimate with a woman is gross and strangely unnatural."
Turn Off The TV!...And Turn On The Radio!: " In our culture, television has not only contributed to building unrealistic goals for women, taunting them with a vision of life outside of family, it has also devoted itself to promoting the homosexual agenda by deliberately showcasing images of men that can damage even the strongest of marriages. What's worse, TV "can use all sorts of words to describe you - intolerant, bigot, homophobe, hater. The other side takes it personally. And so it makes it very difficult for folks to stand up and argue public policy when the other side views it as a personal, direct assault on them." I'm sorry, but there's nothing personal about my numerous attempts to insert myself into other people's relationships and families. Sorry, but I'm not the bigot, God is!"
"I can barely watch television for more than a few minutes before gay things are beamed into my family's home, waved in front of my face, and shoved down my throat. There is almost nothing in our media that doesn't conjure up images of disgusting and unnatural man on man or man on dog acts. I'll point this out and Karen will get sort of a far off look in her eye before beginning to quietly weep. Watching TV can make a wife feel unwanted or unattractive to her husband, that's how damaging television can be to a strong man on woman relationship. When this happens, just turn on Rush, Hewitt, or Bennett, there are no pounding, pulsating images to distract and hypnotize you. You just close your eyes and let their pleasing tones relax you, and reinforce the correct and natural feelings that are undermined by the liberal media."
Massage and a Hot Bath: "This one is an oldie, but a goodie: whenever I'm feeling stressed, vexed, full of tension, and like I'm inside a deep, dark, hole, I go to the gym where I run a few miles, take a long soak, and then get a full body massage from the strong and capable hands of my personal trainer, Randy. When I get home I'm full of joy, and always make sure to tell Karen about how much better I feel, she's my wife so when I feel good, so does she."
finally, and most importantly,
Obedience: "A good marriage is all about trade-offs. In order to protect women from themselves and our vicious, godless culture, a man has to trade-off certain intense and ungodly desires and whims in order to create a family. Conversely, a woman must sacrifice her natural willfulness to submit to God and her husband . Just remember, your role as husband is to interpret God's will and act as a mediator between the almighty and everyone else in your life. Sometimes women will balk at obeying, but be sure to remind them these aren't your rules, but the Heavenly Father's."
"So when it comes to healthy, heterosexual relationships, who are you going to trust? Big government? Big Education? Big Culture? Big Human Sexuality? Or any of the other shock troops of the liberal "village elders" who dominate our culture and keep righteous men gagged and bound. Or are you going to take it from those who really know: your Uncle Ricky and the Catholic Church. As I've said before, "I know that two mothers would not be able to give to my children what a mother and a father can give to my children. For instance, my daughter's relationship with men is, in many respects, formed by her relationship with me." I make sure to tell my daughter this all the time. I say, 'Daddy respects your sacred duties, and one day you can bear children to a man just like me!' She cries with excitement every time."
"I mean, can you imagine the depraved and awful view of human relationships my children would have if they were raised by a homosexual or unmarried couple?"
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